Is Your Parenting Too Tough, Too Soft or Just Right?
We all know the story of Goldilocks who wandered around the Bears’ house finding everything too hot or too cold, too hard or too soft, until she found the one that was “just right.”
Sometimes, parenting can feel the same way.
Do you ever wonder if your parenting approach is too tough or too soft?
Do you ever worry about how your child behaves, how they’ll be when they grow up, and how your child feels about you and your relationship?
Please know you’re not alone if these questions have ever crossed your mind!
So many caring, devoted parents feel the exact same way.
And it makes total sense that you do.
When we become parents, we don’t magically learn all the skills we need to get our kids to listen, develop as human beings, and get along with each other and with us.
Nobody gets a manual showing us how to handle all the stress and overwhelm that comes with the hard parts of parenting.
So how do you find that “just right” approach?
It starts by considering two things.
1) Your Parenting Influences:
The first is to understand what’s influencing your parenting choices.
In other words, how do you consciously or unconsciously decide how to handle the various parenting challenges you face?
Is it based on your experience growing up, your fears, your general personality and approach to life, something else?
For example, here are some reasons parents who consider themselves “tough” gave me for their choices.
That’s how I was raised and I turned out just fine.
Being strict is the best way to get through to my child who won’t listen or behave.
I want to make sure my kids do what they’re supposed to without any backtalk or dawdling.
This is the best way for my kids to learn, so they’ll be able to handle the adversities they’ll face when they’re grown and on their own.
And here are some reasons parents who consider themselves “soft” gave me for their parenting choices.
My parents were very strict and I hated it. I don’t want to be the same way with my kids.
I didn’t have a good relationship with my parents, so I want to make sure my kids like me and feel loved.
My mom ignored my feelings, and I want to make sure my kids know that I understand how they feel.
I don’t like conflict, so I find a way to end it and help everyone feel better.
In coaching, I often explore with my clients how their experiences as children influence their parenting choices with their kids.
Once we understand our influences, values and fears, we can make parenting choices that are most aligned for us and our children.
This is a deep topic, but you can begin by thinking about what drives your parenting decisions.
Here are some questions to consider:
What do you think your parents did well in parenting you when you were a child?
How do you wish you parents had parented you differently?
How does the way you were parented as child influence the way you parent your kids today?
2) Relationship
The second thing that’s important to keep in mind as you discover that “just right” zone of parenting is your relationship with your child.
Studies show that having a secure relationship with at least one parent helps children to grow up with greater emotional development, leadership skills, ability to have close relationships, academic success and happiness.
The ability to foster that secure relationship with your child can be learned and it comes into play with every parenting challenge:
To name a few:
My kids don’t listen unless I yell.
My child stopped talking to me now that she’s a teenager. How do I get her to open up to me?
We’re always arguing.
How do I handle my child when they’re having a tantrum or hitting?
Your relationship with your child is stronger when you help your child feel safe, seen, heard and understood.
Your relationship with your child is stronger when they can count on you to show up for them in a consistent and caring way, even when you’re disciplining and setting limits.
This is another deep topic with many components.
To begin exploring this area, you can consider these questions:
How do you want your child to feel about you and your relationship?
Why is this important to you?
How do think your child feels about you and your relationship right now?
Take the Next Step
Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Every parent deserves guidance tailored to their unique needs. Here are some ways I can support your journey:
1) Get free parenting tips - Click HERE for valuable advice tailored to real-life parenting challenges.
2) Explore parenting classes - Click HERE to discover classes designed to empower and inspire you.
3) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.