Are You In Charge?
"You are not the boss of me!"
Ever hear this from your child?
Usually after you've asked them to do something or stop doing something important?
Is your next response something like, "Yes, I am the boss until you're 18."
A couple of things are happening here:
1) Your child is asserting themselves and saying no.
That, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. Some kids push back more than others.
Strong willed children can help us grow when we learn how to respond to them effectively and channel their strength into positive actions.
2) You are getting drawn into a side argument with your child about who is in charge and you're getting away from your child doing what you asked.
What can you do instead?
1) Realize that you are getting drawn into a side argument and do your best to catch yourself in the moment and stop.
2) Try another response.
One start to an approach that works is to acknowledge your child's feelings and then restate what you want them to do.
For example,
"I understand you don't want to clean up your room now.
"It's important for you to clean it up now, because .....
"I know you can do it."
Acknowledging feelings, explaining why and sharing your belief in your child are all ways to help your child calm down, stop arguing and get back on task.
You can also repeat yourself if your child needs to hear this one more time! Especially, if you’re making a change and they’re not used to this new reaction from you.
Again, this approach is a starting point.
With especially strong-willed kids or a history of break downs in communication between you and your child, more time and tailored approaches are likely needed.
Take the Next Step
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3) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
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