5 KEY WAYS TO RAISE GRATEFUL, HAPPY KIDS

Did you know?

• By as early as age 5, children who practice gratitude have been found to be happier.
  

• Grateful children, ages 11 to 13, were found to be happier, more optimistic, and more satisfied with their schools, families, friends and themselves.
  

• Grateful teens, ages 14 to 19, were found to be less envious and depressed, more satisfied with their lives, more engaged in their studies and hobbies, and more likely to use their strengths to improve their communities.

Children don’t magically grow up this way!

As important as gratitude is, we’re not born feeling it.

And, unfortunately, simply telling kids to be grateful doesn’t typically make them so.

We humans are hard-wired to look for the negative – this comes from our primal survival instinct. We are always on the lookout for danger and, therefore, more likely to see the negative in situations. It’s so easy to be critical of ourselves and others.

But, as parents, we can have a tremendous positive influence by teaching our kids to be thankful and actually seek out the positive and good. This ability will help kids grow up to be kinder and more compassionate, and make a positive difference in the world.

Here are 5 Key Ways to Raise Grateful, Happy Kids.

1)    Model Your Gratitude

The most impactful way you can teach your children to be grateful is to let them see and hear you expressing your gratitude. Your children learn by watching you and others around them.

Here are some ways you can model your gratitude:
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• Let your children see you thanking family members, cashiers, and delivery people for their help.
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• Say thank you to your child when they do something you appreciate.
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• In everyday conversations with your child, talk about how you feel thankful or grateful for:
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  > other people and the way they helped you
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  > special events that affected you
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  > the weather or the beauty of nature
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  > being their parent (this last one will really strengthen your relationship)!
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2) Provide Ways For Your Child to Experience Gratitude

The second most important way to instill gratitude in your children is to let them experience it themselves.

Children who receive gratitude from others learn that it feels good, which will encourage them to show gratitude to others.

When a child sees how much happiness they can bring to someone else, they will likely be motivated to continue giving.

Here are some ways to help your child experience gratitude:

• Thank your child after they do something you appreciate, like helping around the house, making you a picture, or taking care of something without being asked. 
  
  Be specific about the behavior you appreciate and how it helps you or makes you feel. 
  
  For example, “Thank you for waiting to ask me your question until after my phone call was finished. I really appreciate how you were able to be patient until I was done.  That is really helpful to me.  Now I’m ready to help you!”
  

• Have your child make a present or help you pick out a present for a family member, friend or teacher. Then, let your child give the gift and receive the other person’s gratitude for it. 
  

• Encourage your child to share in your appreciation of nature and simple pleasures, like the first snow, the full moon, a beautiful sunset, the delicious flavor of ice cream, a favorite song, or the chance to relax. 
  
  Point out how much you appreciate these things and why they are meaningful to you. 
  
  Ask your child how they feel about them and enjoy the moment together.

3) Find Opportunities For Your Children To Help Others and Volunteer

Many parents want to teach their children to be grateful for what they have and to understand that there are others who may not have as much. 

When children learn to give their time and energy to help other people, they learn to think beyond themselves, and are less likely to take their family, health, and possessions for granted. 

Here are some ways to provide opportunities for your child to help others and volunteer:

• Bake and take cookies to local firefighters or police officers.
  
  

• Greet postal workers as they put mail in your mailbox and say “hello” and “thank you.”
  
  

• Ask your children to join you in setting aside money each week to give to charity. Put the money in a special container that they decorate. At the end of the year, let the children count up how much money your family contributed and discuss what organization(s) to donate it to.
  
  

• Brainstorm ways your family can help other family members and friends.
  
  It could be as simple as a phone call, lending a tool, or leaving a small gift on the patio.
  
  Have your children help you prepare a meal for someone who just had a new baby or deliver groceries to someone recovering from surgery.
  
  

• Talk to your children about issues in your community or the world that matter to them.  Then research (or have them research) organizations where you can volunteer to make a difference on these issues.
  
  

• When your children outgrow clothes and toys, discuss who you can donate them to.  Let your children come with you when you make the donation. Talk to your children about how donations also help protect the earth and help us not take our environment for granted.

4) Have Deeper Conversations About Saying Thank You

When our children are young, we teach them to say thank you and prompt them for a while to make sure they don’t forget.

Ultimately, we want them to say thank you on their own and really mean it!

To get to this point, children benefit from:

• practicing verbal thank yous
  

• writing thank you notes that express true appreciation
  

• answering open-ended questions that help them think about why other people give them gifts and how it feels to receive them.

Here are some ways to instill in your children a deeper understanding of the importance of a sincere thank you:

• When you receive a gift or see a gift your child received, talk about how thoughtful or generous it was for the other person to give it.
  

• Have Children Write Thank You Notes 

  • If your children are too young to write, ask them to tell you what they like about the gift and how they felt when they received it, and say you’ll put that in the thank you note to “Aunt Sue.”
    
    You can even let them see you write their words and read the note to them, showing how you included what they said. Tell them how happy Aunt Sue will be to know they liked and appreciated her present.
    

  • When your children are old enough to write their own notes, encourage them to say more than the basic “thank you for the (present).”
    
    Talk to your children about writing a note that makes the other person feel really good about giving them the gift.
    
    Help them notice the effort someone put into picking out the gift. Ask your child how they felt when they received the present and have them incorporate that into their note.
    
    Encourage children to say something they specifically like about the gift or what they’ll do with the money they received, and how much they appreciated receiving it.
    

  • Writing thank you notes to teachers at the end of the school year is another opportunity for children to express appreciation for what someone has given them.
    

  • When children receive a gift they don’t like, they have a special opportunity to learn to show gratitude.
    
    Help children find a way to express their happiness at receiving a gift, and appreciation for the gift giver’s kindness and effort in choosing the present for them.
    

  • Phone calls or thank yous in person are always an option if you prefer that or your child has difficulty writing. You can teach your chlid to include the points above in their verbal thanks.

• Positive Reinforcement Helps Your Children Learn
  

  • Acknowledge your child when you
    
    > hear them saying thank you without being prompted
    
    > see them calling or writing thank you notes that express sincere appreciation
    
    > hear them expressing gratitude in other ways.
    
    You can say that you really appreciate them doing this and that you know they will make the recipient of their gratitude feel really good.
    

  • When another person (relative, friend’s parent, etc.) shares with you a compliment about your child’s manners or expression of gratitude, be sure to let your child know!

5) Expand Your Child’s Focus Beyond Gifts at Birthdays and Holidays

Gifts for birthdays and holidays are fun and a special part of the festivities.

Here are some ways to foster appreciation for gifts and focus on other aspects of these special days as well.

• If you’re concerned about your child begging and pleading for gifts, or a lack of appreciation for gifts:
  
  

  • Create wish lists
    
    When your child asks for something, you can say, “Let’s put that on the wish list for your birthday or the holidays.”
    
    Let your child see you write it down or put a note in your phone.
    
    Alternatively, some parents find it helpful to take a picture of their child holding a toy, if the child asks for it while they are shopping together.
    
    The purpose of these approaches is to let your child feel heard, know that their feelings are important to you, and know that they will get the gift at a later time.
    
    Learning to wait and that you can’t always get everything right away are important life skills. Hopefully, your child will be excited to get the present at a later date and they will appreciate it even as well.
    
    

  • If the gift is a bigger ticket item or one you want your child to feel more responsibility for, or if you feel your child has been taking larger gifts for granted, you can ask your child to contribute part of the money to buy the item. Their contribution could come from their allowance, their savings, or work they do to earn the money.

• During Thanksgiving and the December holidays:
  
  

  • Spend some time as a family saying what you are each grateful for. Rather than more general things like “family and friends,” encourage the comments to be more specific.
    
    For example, “I’m grateful I’ve been able to stay close with all my friends even though we don’t get together as often as we used to.”
    
    If your kids have a hard time naming things to be grateful for, you can also ask: "What are 3 things that you would be upset if you lost or no longer had in your life?"
    
    Spending time stating what you're grateful for is a practice you can use year-round, at a weekly or monthly meal, a family meeting, or another time that works for your family.
    
    

  • Put emphasis on celebrating the holidays with family activities like decorating the tree, lighting the chanukiyah, playing games, singing and listening to holiday music, and cooking and eating holiday foods.
    
    

  • Spend time helping others, volunteering or giving to charity.

NEXT STEPS

This article contains a lot of suggestions, and it's helpful to start one step at a time.

To help you take action, here are 2 questions to consider:

1) What are the ways you are already teaching and encouraging your children to express gratitude?

2) What one or two things, from the ideas above, would you like to start doing to teach and encourage your children to be more grateful?


It takes teaching, practice, reinforcement and emotional maturity for children to learn to be thankful and more easily see the positive and the good. 

Helping our children become more grateful is a gift that will ultimately help them to be happier, kinder, more resilient, have stronger relationships, and be motivated to use their talents to make a difference in the world.

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