20 Minutes That Can Improve Your Child's Life
At the heart of most questions that parents ask me is a deep desire to have closer and more loving relationships with their children.
Connection Time is a proven way to help you do that!
Here are all the details.
How Connection Time Works
You set aside 20 minutes of special, one-to-one time to spend with your child each day.
During this time, let your child choose the activity and topic of conversation.
You support what your child says and does.
Your only agenda is to pay attention to your child and engage with your child’s interests.
Activities
What you do with your child will vary based on your child’s age.
With young children, you might get down on the floor to play with their toys in a game they create.
With older children, you might talk about a book, video game or other interest they have.
Maybe you ride bikes together, paint together, listen to music they like, or take a walk.
Ideally, neither of you will be looking at your phones or have other distractions.
When To Have Connection Time
It’s often easy to play with our kids when they are babies and toddlers.
As our kids get older, it’s common to spend less time with them as they need us less, get busy with friends, homework and extra-curricular activities, and our schedules get more hectic.
Scheduling and making the commitment to Connection Time can help.
Some parents find it easy to schedule it at the same time every day. It doesn't matter whether it’s in the morning or after dinner or right before bed. What does matter is what works best for your family.
If your schedule or number of kids doesn’t allow you to do this every day, that’s totally okay. Just figure out what you can do. For example, some parents opt for only two or three days a week with longer times on weekends.
If you can spend more than 20 minutes at a time, that’s great, but no pressure if you can’t!
Any Connection Time you spend with your child on a regular basis will make a difference.
Benefits
Spending this special time together will help you and your child develop a warmer, closer relationship.
There is nothing your child wants more than to feel valued as an individual, loved and understood by you. As a parent, you want to feel close to your child and have them know they can always come to you for help.
As you invest in Connection Time,
You will:
Understand your child better.
Find more things you have in common with your child.
Build your child’s self-esteem and confidence.
Allow your child to trust and communicate with you more.
Your child will:
Feel seen, heard and loved by you.
Feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.
Feel more safe and secure in general.
Be less prone to acting out because they’re getting more undivided, supportive attention from you.
Success Tips:
Tell your child how much you enjoy this time with them.
Accept whatever feelings your child shares with you.
This lets your child know that you value and want to hear what they have to say. It will also help them to feel comfortable sharing their deeper feelings and challenges with you.
Example: Your child is complaining about an annoying classmate.
Instead of: Stop complaining! or Don’t talk about other people that way!
Try: Yes, other people can be annoying sometimes. What did Alex do?
Challenges some parents face and how to overcome them
Feeling bored
Sometimes, especially in the beginning, we can feel bored with the activities our child wants to play. Here are some feelings parents have shared with me about feeling bored.
> They worried about how their child might interact with other kids based on how they were talking and playing during Connection Time.
> They didn’t know anything about the interest their child was sharing.
If you feel bored, it can help to pay attention to that feeling and find solutions:
For the examples above:
> At a separate time, you can coach your child about different ways to interact with others.
> You can learn about your child’s interest (e.g., read the book, play the video game, learn about car racing) so you can talk to your child about it. They will appreciate this beyond words!
Trying to direct the activities
As parents, we’re used to being in control in our family.
Remind yourself that this is a time to enter your child’s world and interests to get to know them better.
Your child will feel more relaxed and able to share with you if you let them take the lead.
Your child doesn’t want to talk or be involved with you
This is a hard one, but there is a way through it.
First, it can help to let your child know in advance why you want to schedule this special time with them. That can sometimes help lessen resistance.
Second, it’s normal for it to take several invitations before your child realizes that you’re serious about this and that your time together will be positive and worthwhile.
It can also help to remember that the more a child resists spending time with you, the more they may actually need you, and the more you might both benefit from this supportive time together, so don’t give up!
You can actually have a conversation about why they don’t want to talk to you!
Even if it lasts only 5 minutes, you’ve still had a meaningful interaction. They will experience your listening, acceptance, and understanding. You will learn more about their thoughts and feelings. This opens the door for future conversations.
Examples:
If your child says they’re mad at you and/or don’t want to talk, you can calmly and lovingly say things like:
> Tell me more about that. Tell me the different ways I messed up when I didn’t let you (X).
> I hear you. What’s making you not want to talk to me right now?
> I can understand that you don’t want to talk right now. OR I know you have a good reason for not wanting to talk right now. Then, demonstrate empathy by sharing times from your childhood when you didn’t feel like talking.
Final Thoughts
You do not have to be perfect at this. We’re going for connection, not perfection.
Do your best to show your child that you’re giving them your attention, presence, acceptance and love during these Connection Times.
Research on child development shows that one of the best predictors for how children turn out (regarding happiness, emotional development, having meaningful relationships and academic success) is whether they had at least one caregiver who consistently showed up for them, and made them feel safe, secure, understood, supported and loved.
Connection Time is one tool you can use to give your children this beautiful gift.
Take the Next Step
Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Every parent deserves guidance tailored to their unique needs. Here are some ways I can support your journey:
1) Get free parenting tips - Click HERE for valuable advice tailored to real-life parenting challenges.
2) Explore parenting classes - Click HERE to discover classes designed to empower and inspire you.
3) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.