What Your Children Wish You Knew
As parents, we all want the best for our children, but sometimes it feels like a guessing game.
Are we doing it right?
Do they feel understood?
From the tiniest babies to teenagers on the verge of adulthood, each stage of growing up brings different challenges and needs. In the midst of these changes, it can be hard to know exactly what our kids need from us.
If they could tell us, here are a few things they might want us to understand about being the parent they need.
Babies: "I Need You to Be Present"
Babies may not be able to talk, but they communicate volumes through their body language, cries, and coos. What they really need from parents is presence—physical and emotional.
Physical touch: Holding, cuddling, and soothing help babies feel safe and connected.
Attuned attention: Babies thrive when you notice and respond to their cues, even if it’s just a smile or a giggle. Being in the moment with them helps build trust.
Consistency: They don’t need perfection, but they need consistency. Feeling secure in routines like feeding, sleeping, and comforting teaches them the world is a safe place.
What babies wish you knew? Your presence and responsiveness in those early moments build the foundation for their future sense of security and confidence.
Toddlers: "I’m Trying to Figure Things Out"
The toddler stage can feel like a whirlwind of emotions, tantrums, and exploration. What toddlers wish their parents understood is that they are learning the ropes of a big world, and they need room to do that.
Patience: Toddlers test boundaries, not to frustrate you, but because they are figuring out how things work. Patience, not punishment, helps them learn.
Encouragement to explore: Whether it's pulling every book off the shelf or pouring water everywhere, toddlers are testing limits and experimenting. Let them explore, within safe boundaries, and try to embrace the mess.
Understanding their emotions: They feel big emotions in their little bodies and can’t always communicate what’s wrong. Helping them label feelings (e.g., “You’re frustrated because the toy isn’t working”) can make a world of difference.
Toddlers wish you knew that even though their behavior can be challenging, they’re just trying to make sense of the world, and they need your guidance to do that.
Preschoolers: "I Want to Be Independent, but I Still Need You"
Preschoolers are at the magical age of imagination and curiosity, but they’re also starting to assert their independence.
Fostering independence: Letting your preschooler do small tasks by themselves, like dressing or helping with chores, builds their confidence.
Offering choices: Giving them simple choices (like what snack to have or which game to play) helps them feel a sense of control, while still keeping structure in place.
Being a safe haven: Even as they stretch their independence, preschoolers still need to know you’re there for hugs, cuddles, and comfort when things get tough.
Preschoolers wish you knew they are eager to be "big kids," but they still look to you as their rock and their guide.
School-Age Kids: "Please See Me for Who I Am"
As kids grow older, school introduces new social dynamics, academic pressures, and the need for self-expression. What they want most is for you to recognize who they are, not just what you expect them to be.
Validation and encouragement: School-age kids are working hard to figure out what they’re good at and who they want to be. Your words of encouragement mean everything.
Open communication: They have opinions and thoughts and want to be heard. Encouraging conversation about their day, their feelings, and even their worries helps them know their voice matters.
Space to fail: Mistakes are part of growing up. Your support when they fail teaches them resilience. Offer support, and let them try again on their own.
School-age kids wish you knew that being seen, heard, and supported, even when they mess up, builds their confidence and self-worth.
Preteens: "I’m Trying to Find My Place"
The preteen years can be tough. There’s a lot of change, both physically and emotionally, and peer acceptance becomes more important. What they want is for you to stay involved, but in a way that respects their growing independence.
Respecting boundaries: Preteens need space to figure out their identity. Giving them privacy, while still being there when they need you, is key.
Judgment-free zone: They’re navigating new feelings and situations. Being a non-judgmental sounding board where they can talk openly helps them trust you.
Guidance over control: They still need guidance, but they can resist if it feels like you’re trying to control them. Offer advice, but let them have a say in their choices whenever possible.
Preteens wish you knew they’re doing their best to find their place in the world, and they need you to be a steady support as they figure it out.
Teens: "I Need You, Even If I Don’t Always Show It"
Teens are on the cusp of adulthood and might act like they don’t need you, but deep down, they still do. What they want most is respect for their growing independence and the freedom to make their own decisions—within reason.
Trust: Teens want to feel like you trust them to make good decisions. Micromanaging can lead to rebellion, but mutual trust builds responsibility.
Listening without judgment: They are forming strong opinions and values. Listening without jumping to conclusions or criticism shows that you respect their growing autonomy.
Emotional support: Despite acting self-sufficient, teens often feel uncertain and overwhelmed. Being emotionally available, even when they don’t ask for it, gives them a sense of security.
Teens wish you knew they’re craving both independence and connection. Knowing that you trust them, while still being there for emotional support, makes all the difference.
Every Child Wants to Feel Loved, Accepted, and Understood
At every stage, your kids want you to know they’re doing the best they can to navigate their world. They might not always have the words to express it, but what they want most is your love, patience, and understanding.
Raising a child isn’t about perfection — we're all human, doing the best we can at each moment. It’s about being present, offering support and guidance, and giving your child the freedom to grow into the person they’re meant to be.
Parenting is a journey filled with growth for both you and your child. By offering love, support, and understanding at every stage, you’re not only helping your child thrive, but also creating a relationship built on trust, connection, and joy. Your presence and care are exactly what your child needs to flourish. Together, you have the potential to build something beautiful — a bond that will last a lifetime.
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, unsure, or stuck in a frustrating cycle with your kids, you’re not alone. We all face those tough moments, but there’s always a way through.
I’d love to help you find your way, too. If you’re ready to explore new strategies for calmer, more connected parenting, reach out to me. Together, we can make those tough moments feel a little less tough - and a lot more manageable.
1) Calm Communication Strategies – Click HERE to download my free guide, “Cool-Headed Parenting: 4 Tips to Communicate Without Yelling.”
2) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.