Being Real About Parenting
Are your extended family and your partner's/ex's family a bit like mine - complicated?!?
Over the last few weeks, it's been wonderful to celebrate my daughter's high school graduation and niece’s wedding, host grandparents, and spend time with family.
It’s been equally emotionally challenging to deal with and hear about some ongoing tensions.
Family is full of duality and mixtures of feelings, even when it comes to our own kids.
And it doesn't always feel safe to acknowledge this to ourselves.
Please know that it's very common for parenting to bring up complicated, confusing feelings and, at each moment, we're all doing the best we can.
All your feelings are valid and there is no right or wrong way to feel.
For example, when my kids were young and my husband was recovering from medical issues, I felt completely overwhelmed. I loved my kids more than anything, but spending extended time with them and caring for my husband was exhausting, and I longed for time by myself. I felt like a "bad" parent for wanting long breaks from my kids.
Later, I realized that my feelings made perfect sense, and I could have benefited by asking for help, but I couldn't see any of this in the moment.
Maybe you've experienced some similar feelings?
Or maybe you feel really tested by your child's strong will or challenging behavior. You love your child with all your heart, but you also find them frustrating and wish they were different.
At the toughest moments, a small, secret part of you feels like you don't like this child so much. What do you do with that feeling and your simultaneous worry about whether your child will be successful when they're older?
Or maybe there's a push and pull you feel inside where you want to work to earn money, use your talents and feel fulfilled, yet you also want to be home with your kids and spend more time with them. Wherever you are, you’re wishing you were at the other place. It's hard to find peace.
Or maybe there are moments, even though you love your kids so much, that you really don't enjoy being a parent. Aspects of parenting are boring, repetitive, unending and demanding. Maybe you miss your old life before kids. Society repeatedly tells us how great and important it is to raise kids, but you're not really feeling it. You wonder if there's something wrong with you - are you the only one feeling this way?
No, you're not the only one feeling any of these feelings!
Parenting can be full of so much love and so much stress.
We can love our kids and dislike some of our parenting experiences.
"And" is the key word for our jumble of emotions.
It's not either / or.
We don't have to choose one feeling over the other.
Conflicting feelings can all be simultaneously true.
This truth is simply part of being human.
Relief can begin with introspection and being honest with ourselves, especially when we allow ourselves to feel the difficult feelings we may want to push away or think we "shouldn't" feel.
Before you label yourself "wrong" or "bad" or doubt yourself or beat yourself up, I want to encourage you to accept and acknowledge yourself for all you feel and all you do.
It's easy to dismiss our own needs in favor of our kids'.
But your feelings and needs absolutely matter.
Your conflicting feelings don't have to take away from your parenting journey.
Instead, they can be a powerful part of your journey as a catalyst for self-acceptance, growth and peace.
Take the Next Step
Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Every parent deserves guidance tailored to their unique needs. Here are some ways I can support your journey:
1) Get free parenting tips - Click HERE for valuable advice tailored to real-life parenting challenges.
2) Explore parenting classes - Click HERE to discover classes designed to empower and inspire you.
3) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.