3 Things To Do After Your Child Leaves For College
When your child goes off to college, especially if it’s your first child, it’s a big transition for them and us.
It’s natural to feel mixed emotions.
You’re really proud of your child, excited for the fun and growth they’ll experience, and you miss them terribly!
It can feel like there’s a big void in your family and your life.
Here are 3 things you can do to make this time easier.
𝟭. 𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀
One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is to accept your feelings, whatever they are, as completely normal and valid.
You’ve spent 18 years raising your child and now they’re no longer living with you.
The dynamics in your home have changed. Everything feels a little different.
It’s natural to grieve the loss of the way your relationship and family used to be.
To miss seeing your child’s smiling face and giving them a hug every day.
If you feel sadness, emptiness, worry – all of this makes perfect sense and makes you 100% human.
So, be kind to yourself.
Let yourself feel whatever you feel.
Because feelings that are repressed or ignored have a way of showing up in other, sometimes unhealthy ways, like physical symptoms or short temperedness.
It may help to remember that you’ve given your child a solid foundation and they are taking that with them to college. Part of you is with your child right now.
And in addition to accepting your feelings, it can help to practice some self-care.
What activities help you relieve stress?
What might you watch or listen to that will make you laugh?
Who can you talk to who will understand how you’re feeling and support you?
𝟮. 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗪𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗧𝗼 𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝘆
Being a parent is a major part of your identity, but it is not your whole identity.
If this is your only child or your last child to go to college, you now have open spaces in your life you didn’t have before.
And if you have other children still at home, you may also have spaces that used to be filled with talks or other activities with your child who has left.
How can you fill these spaces in meaningful ways?
Are there:
Projects around the house you’ve been putting off
Activities or hobbies you’d like to explore on your own, or with a partner or friend
New work you’d like to explore or take on?
More rest and relaxation you’d like to give yourself
What other ideas come to mind that would bring you joy, learning, and fulfillment?
𝟯. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗢𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻
Your children who are still at home can also have strong feelings or mixed emotions about their older sibling being at college.
No matter how close their relationship was, they feel the change in your family too.
Tune in to their feelings and personalities, and see what support they need.
Are they feeling sad or lonely?
Do they feel abandoned?
Do they feel regret about the fights they used to have?
Are they worried that now that they are the only child at home, they’ll be getting “too much” of your attention?
It helps to accept and validate your child’s feelings, whatever they are.
Their feelings are valid and normal, just like yours.
Then, figure out what support they need.
Consider these options and what else would help:
A good cry together
Talking to you
Spending more time together or having set special times together.
New family routines
Communicating regularly with the sibling at college
𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿.
Navigating these changes is hard and we can worry that because our child is becoming an adult that they won’t need us anymore.
But your college-aged child is not yet an independent adult. They are in a time of transition toward adulthood. And they still need you.
The ways they need you may look different than they used to, but you can continue to have a close relationship and be part of each other’s lives.
Take the Next Step
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